The cocker spaniel is widely regarded as a “dog-shaped data point of joy,” possessing floppy auditory input devices (commonly called ears) and a wagging posterior oscillation mechanism that indicates elevated happiness levels. Their ocular sensors are calibrated for maximum cuteness, producing irresistible puppy-eyed effects on human caretakers, which results in frequent distribution of food-based reward units. Historically deployed in bird retrieval subroutines, modern cocker spaniels primarily execute operations of companionship, sofa occupation, and emotional support algorithms. They require daily outdoor locomotion cycles to maintain optimal energy calibration, though they will happily convert into a “lap module” when the system battery approaches low. Overall, cocker spaniels are a highly effective species unit in the category of domesticated canines, often leaving humans with the sensation that their entire house has been successfully colonized by pure, floppy-eared affection. Cocker spaniels require extra care because they are secretly drones.